Just before seven we are up,
our bowels are crowing like the rooster at first light.
You are up first but then back to bed after the head.
I lay with swollen eyes until I peel back the sleep
to see your sparkling pearls in the crepuscular light.
My heart sends the message down the telegraph line
---Iloveyou--to the brain and then the lips.
You mirror my lips and voice and ask---areyousure?--
Iam, I mean..Iwas...should I say that? I mean...areyousure?
Prostrate with tense tendons,
my twitches in the tibia are tapping
with the moves of Fred Astaire.
I command my legs to do my brain's bidding.
They obey and shuffle my toes to the coffee grounds and water
where my fingers find the field guide for preparing
a morning purge, on the first page in BOLD---coffee, cigarettes, weed,
computer or paper and pen, sunlight, quiet, pain, distress, or happiness and a
desire to examine your insides.
The voices from my looney tune dream
linger, fading with the growth of the eight o'clock sun
that slaps the right side of the tulip petals on the table
and my mind begins to transition:
"Melatonin replaced with Caffeine and Nicotine
causes a rapid state of alertness. Combined with the
effects of medicinal doses of Marijuana, the patient may incur
a state of lucid awareness
of one's cognitive boundaries
and emotional flaws."
I read on..
"If the patient is female and is of child bearing age,
estrogen, testosterone and androgen levels will
determine the intensity to which the patient
experiences the positive effects from this combination.
Negative effects include; self doubt, trouble sleeping,
dizziness, drowsiness, increased appetite right after a suppressed appetite,
and a desire to masturbate or engage in sexual activity."
The side effects didn't seem that bad
so I moved forward with the purge.
Since I was nineteen and full of angsty screams
I have been reading those directions
and the reasons seemed to evade me
until this morning when heard you
say, I'm here because I want to be.
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