While on our different paths we collided like two horsing racing in the same rut,
When our eyes first met we cataloged our fears and watched them go up in smoke.
In this dream, we diverged across a river and found ourselves again in the same raft, holding on each to a paddle and pushing against the current faster because we moved in unison.
Inside of the forest I became your guide and you my salvation. Our quest as it went began as a treasure hunt of sorts. At the edge of the tree line and the antique bend in the stream I jumped in for you and your flip flop.
And now in your eyes I see the last five years of a life in which I would never have lived nor loved so emphatically. And I feel you letting go after a litany of contradictions because as you look at me with urgency to escape and build a new life without me, I see you seeing me hurt.
My pain is feeling like I am someone I am not. Lost in you, lost from taking too many photographs of the future. Lost in thinking about separating our books, clothes, dishes, dog and hearts. And now it's real.
And what hurts the most is that I know deep down you want the same as me, then and then but not now. We could change. I could stop cleaning up after you and could stop getting upset when I come home after your bed time. You could join every club in the city and I could find time for myself again in nature and neither of us would have to feel guilty. We don't have to break up our family.
And what hurts more is the alternative that seems most likely. A slow decent into alcoholism and bad memories. I can't stop you from a fate that you ache for and I won't stop you from flying wherever your nose is taking you, I just want this aching feeling of being in love with you to subside.
